Wow it has been over a month since the last time. I have started several times to sit down and write but my life has just been crazy. JPG3 and Rose had a karate show and we were at practice 4 times a week. Then I have really been trying to get my hair bow business up and running.
Which if you haven't had a chance to look check it out on facebook and instagram. I am just about to roll out 2 new products. Anyways I have been busy.
I know that when we had JD that children in our family outnumbered the adults but what makes it so much harder is that during the fall, winter and spring Big Daddy works a ton. Which on one side I am truly greatful that he works so hard so that I can stay home with our children but on the flip side I am so tired of doing it all alone. Now before you have a fit. I am not comparing myself to single parents. I do have someone that I can lean on and share the demands of life. If you are a single parent I applaud you. You are a rockstar!!
Everyday I am alone in getting three kids up and ready for school. I am not a morning person and neither is JPG3. I'm usually late. Then there's a ton of nights I am alone in getting the kids to and from activities, dinner and then even bedtime.
Today was one of those days. It started all the same a struggle to get everyone up and out of the house. With getting them dressed, fed, lunches packed and all of their stuff in the car. Yes, JPG3 is old enough to get himself dressed but I still get his clothes for him. I get his need for a little extra in the morning because of the whole not being a morning person. Rose does a good job with getting dressed but if it was up to her she would never wear weather appropriate clothes. JD is 2......... (this should just explain everything)
Then after school much of the same. I had to make dinner and get everyone showered before 5:30. We had to go to karate. Which JD just doesn't sit still he wants to be on the mat with the other kids because he has no idea that he's 2. He thinks he's just as big as his brother an sister. Then on to a band concert for my niece. Sidenote: she's a fabulous flute player! Anyway that was just a cluster fuck. We walked in late because karate ending about 10 minutes before the show started. Then JPG3 was just acting absolutely nuts. The baby plays off of that and is crazy too. Rose had a bug up her butt and wanted to be mean. I'm trying my best to control the 2 year old, make the 9 year old calm down and the 6 year old wants to sit on my lap. We went in the hallway where I then had to chase JD. I may sound lazy but it really hurts my back to run. I pay for it later. No wonder I can't heal right! I was embarrassed, exhausted and defeated when I left.
Ugh, yes I'm embarrassed when my children are not good or are acting crazy. I feel like its a reflection of my parenting. Truly I shouldn't give a shit what people think of me but my anxiety make me hyper critical of myself. I know they are children and not just any children 2 of the 3 have been diagnosed with ADHD.
I'm exhausted because we its hard chasing one this way while making sure the others are not killing each other all while being in pain everyday.
Defeated because I just want to be selfish for one minute and be able to enjoy something without the craziness of children and when you are all alone with no one to help it just makes it that much worse.
I will keep trudging along and making it work because that's how I roll. I have been doing this for so long you would think that I have gotten used to it. I don't ever want anyone to think that I am no grateful for how hard Big Daddy works I just wish things were a little different. Tomorrows going to be a better day!
If you see a mom struggling in public just tell her she's doing a good job it might truly make her day or she'll tell you to shut the fuck up either way it will probably make her feel better!