It causes me anxiety, heartbreak and frustration! You would think "Wow! This must be something huge for someone to all of those emotions in one simple action." Nope, nope, nope, and nope its just simply asking for help. Help with anything from the smallest task to the biggest issues in my life. I even get anxious to ask those people who say let me know if you need help.
So I found this quote today (I didn't write it, it is not my quote). It hits home! Yes, when I finally reach out to ask for the help I am needed you to catch me. It's the most devastating thing to finally work the courage up to ask for the help and be shot down. It takes a lot for me to even ask. I will usually tell people I can't do something because I don't have a babysitter without ever looking for one. No one wants to babysit 3 children and I'm not fond of just anyone watching our kids. I will do things while hurting because it's just easier. I am getting super anxious about my upcoming surgery because of this. For 6 weeks I have to put my faith in other people whom I do not have a lot in to make sure everything I do in a day is taken care of. I am more anxious about this then having my body cut. What the hell is wrong with me! So far I have had wonderful people ask if they can help but then I've had some not answer or flat out tell me no. I do know that my life and situation isn't the center of attention but its nice to know that you have people who care about in in your time of need.
I am a pretty self sufficient person. I've learned its the easiest way to get things done when they have to be. I don't rely on anyone it usually ends up bad. I'm really not sure at what point in my life that my skewed thoughts of this started. Its always been broken promises and being a alone. This can be a great positive but also a huge negative. I love to watch how other families dynamic works. How they care for each other. How they communicate with each. How open and honest they are with each other. How close they are and the secrets they share. Or not any of the above. Why does this have anything to do with the asking for help? Well so much to me because I feel that my family is truly lacking a lot of the above. Not saying my family is terrible, as a whole we all have a ton a other strengths. I'm not putting blame on any one person. I'm very sure my own personality flaws, anxiety and depression have turned so many away. Anyways, I digress, back to the subject. I look at these families as guidance of how I want my life. I want to be the mom, grandma, aunt, cousin, sister, friend who doesn't wait for the question of help but be the one to offer. I want to be that person who hears you are having a hard time and show up with lunch. I want to be someone who when they know you are in need to step up and be your crutch.
My logical mind knows that everything will work out my crazy brain is telling me that no one cares when you need help. I wonder which one will prevail today. If someone who never ask for a hand comes to you be thankful that they chose you. You are special to them. You are worth the heartbreak and anxiety that got the word out of their mouth. Maybe even take a step back and try not to be selfish for a minute and see if it is truly something you can help them with. (Yea I totally said you are selfish! We are all selfish in our way. That is the way society has taught us to be. Get over it) Obviously if it is something you are incapable of doing, it will harm you or your family, or it will put financial stress on you don't do it, dumb ass!